To kid or not to kid

When I was younger I had been told the chances of my getting pregnant were slim to none so I’ve had to since deal with the fact that I may not be able to ever have my own children. Growing up in a family where the joys of childbearing were discussed and having “your own” family were pressed it was hard to accept.
My mother always told me she couldn’t see me having kids and I used to get so angry. Not having enjoyed my family I have always yearned for that family I could create. A healthy, happy home. Really it was to dream of something other than the bitter loneliness I have always felt.
Since then I have still been confirmed there will be many difficulties about it happening and having worked in the field of healthcare I know the horror stories of bearing children and rearing children that may not naturally be yours. Much like my loneliness I believe to some extent I could understand my children wanting to know of their “real” parent but I could never understand the pain. I could really only be there to support them. The pain of having a child you have loved as your own, for years tell you such things, that I won’t repeat, could send the strongest to the madhouse.
This is the question then, without answer still – to kid or not to kid. I think being an auntie will do for now at least. I’m an awesome aunt.

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